Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Lies For Immediate Release


He said he welcomed the opportunity to refute the many baseless charges against him
She refused to answer on the grounds that she might thereby be incriminated

His firm faces suits involving his alleged sexual harassment filed by several ex-employees
Company policy prohibits discussion of the circumstances of their dismissals

He cashed out multi-million dollar options as their locked 401ks disappeared
My client welcomes the chance to clear his name but has no comment at this time

As elected officials we realize that we serve at the pleasure of the public
One spokesman did not return our calls and another declined to be interviewed

Our latest 3rd world mining concession should bring great value to our investors
The Working conditions of employees will not be on the agenda at the next stockholder’s meeting

The spokesman was bombarded with unscripted questions and unfavorable blogs
They smiled and waved as if the crowd were cheering, as they ducked away into a waiting limo

Ex-employees testified he told them in no uncertain terms they must make their numbers...or else
Sir, he said again, I do not have any recollection of that conversation, either

Those earlier stock sales were absolutely not related to the announcement of our losses
I am resigning in order to be able to spend more time with my family

His perqs included homes, clothing, vacations, the corporate jet and legal fees
Regretfully, he will be leaving us to pursue other opportunities

I did not knowingly mislead the analysts during those virtual presentations
Senator, it appears that a computer problem caused the loss of the emails in question

We ordered from our asian suppliers and that is where our responsibilities ended
We saved labor costs and their pollution issues do not appear on our financial statements

It is our policy never to comment upon ongoing investigations
We need to stop digging up the past and get on with the business of America

The firm suffers from an unfair burden of pension and healthcare benefits obligations
Their stock ticked upward on news of further layoffs and benefit reductions

He declined to take the stand in his own defense and chuckled over the tiny fine
The firm wrote off billions in bad debts and he was forced out with but a mere $130 million

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