People Are The Firm's Most Treasured Assets

In their expensive ads, backed by soothing music, they speak of the great value of their people

All the time, knowing full well the way out of a stock crisis is simply to slash jobs and cut benefits

According to their slick marketing, the mystic force of humanity powers their organization...

And after 15 minutes a tired voice from Bangalore finally comes on the line

Yes, all of their wondrous technology is inspired simply by their people’s desire to further our society

Those financial services like sub-prime mortgages which have so enriched our lives

The personally-oriented mass-market eSolutions tailored to your individual needs

Still, corporate entities will accept modest profits in lieu of becoming charitable organizations

Why, those fearless leaders would likely give up private jets and 10 acre compounds for their folks

Because listen, even in their over-allocated schedules, their doors remain open to their people

They’ll take a moment and reflect you to a smiling minion who can safely blow you off

And they’ll quickly drop your face on that big pile that they will never need to remember

They’ll glowingly describe your loyalty and commitment but have no idea what you do

Often when the next downsizing comes they’ll be wearing little flags on their lapels

They’ll appeal to all that’s good in you by reading a stirringly-scripted, 10 minute video

Reaping unreal bonuses and whopping stock options by trimming you from the bottom line

Clips of children and flowing music accompany poetic tributes to incalculable human resources

Meanwhile, proprietary spreadsheets show profits flowing from proposed employment cuts

Pricey consultants point the way to offshore sources who become more simply disposable numbers

Expensive lobbies trace the firm’s patriotic history, but its products are all stamped Made In China

They intone about each and every one of our personal contributions to the team

But then, regrettably, our positions have been eliminated and our services are no longer required

We stumble out with a tiny severance, old family pictures and coffee cups in boxes

Truth is, the future of our families really has no place whatsoever on their financial statements

Avuncular global oligarchies speak in pre-rehearsed and well-delivered messages

Mouthing how they treasure our contributions and factor our needs into all of their decisions

They peek down from their office suites toasting bonuses as we numbly drive away for good

Now the company is stronger going forward and the remainder of us must all pull together

Then come the remaining middle managers happy to still be mouthing the latest empty platitudes

Off to meetings to be spoon fed the newest pre-digested vision to be absorbed by all

Congenially, those remaining climb on board as good team players towards another golden era

And, for the record, those who have departed shall never be mentioned again

But finally comes the quarter when the cooked books just wont meet the numbers

Arriving on the heels of the last round of layoffs, there’s no more fat to trim

And no competitors remain with which to merge and attain greater strategic synergies

So, with great regret their vivid golden parachutes open up under dark clouds of criminal suspicion

Lies For Immediate Release

He said he welcomed the opportunity to refute the many baseless charges against him

She refused to answer on the grounds that she might thereby be incriminated

His firm faces suits involving his alleged sexual harassment filed by several ex-employees

Company policy prohibits discussion of the circumstances of their dismissals

He cashed out multi-million dollar options as their locked 401ks disappeared

My client welcomes the chance to clear his name but has no comment at this time

As elected officials we realize that we serve at the pleasure of the public

One spokesman did not return our calls and another declined to be interviewed

Our latest 3^rd world mining concession should bring great value to our investors

The Working conditions of employees will not be on the agenda at the next stockholder’s meeting

The spokesman was bombarded with unscripted questions and unfavorable blogs

They smiled and waved as if the crowd were cheering, as they ducked away into a waiting limo

Ex-employees testified he told them in no uncertain terms they must make their numbers...or else

Sir, he said again, I do not have any recollection of that conversation, either

Those earlier stock sales were absolutely not related to the announcement of our losses

I am resigning in order to be able to spend more time with my family

His perqs included homes, clothing, vacations, the corporate jet and legal fees

Regretfully, he will be leaving us to pursue other opportunities

I did not knowingly mislead the analysts during those virtual presentations

Senator, it appears that a computer problem caused the loss of the emails in question

We ordered from our asian suppliers and that is where our responsibilities ended

We saved labor costs and their pollution issues do not appear on our financial statements

It is our policy never to comment upon ongoing investigations

We need to stop digging up the past and get on with the business of America

The firm suffers from an unfair burden of pension and healthcare benefits obligations

Their stock ticked upward on news of further layoffs and benefit reductions

He declined to take the stand in his own defense and chuckled over the tiny fine

The firm wrote off billions in bad debts and he was forced out with but a mere $130 million

Greedily Pimping The Holidays

Every year, stoking your guilt with their latest phony hot items and newest big sellers

Another month and, What do you know? Yet another Merchant’s Holiday has arrived

They’ve got jingles and decorations, gifts and zesty-sweet, factory-produced treats

For they must perpetually increase an artificial demand simply to stay in business

They have special offers, items on sale, deep discounts and great promotions

They try to pump you full of shame and guilt should you dare not to spend

You can still buy on credit - even if there is no income behind your card

Your very humanity can be defined by simply following their purchasing cycles

$XMAS, birthdays, anniversaries, valentine’s day and others which come and go

Beautiful people in expensive advertisements meant to part you from your cash

Since you love them, For the family, Just for her, Thinking of you – And buying too much

Assuaging your guilt, buying their love & pretending to maintain Traditional Family values®

Co-opting christianity, playing on emotions and performing a greedy mass hypnosis

It’s on sale, Don’t you love them, Time’s running out. Are you some cold, cheap loser?

Halloween, thanksgiving, easter and Mother’s Day all beckon with their own tailored ads

The advertising pimps purify and hyperbolize them and parade them in front of your noses

For mother, Don’t forget Dad!, Because they love you. Buy now or forget the Happily-Ever-After

Buy this to avoid some unspoken punishment of guilt and loss of humanity

We were late again with the rent since it was little Timmy’s birthday this month

The kids are dosed with our ads and screaming for it - Won’t you make them happy?

Show her that you still love her by taking on a few more years of easy, over-budget payments

You can feel good about your debt because you didn’t buy any of this for yourself

The Chinese slave factories are being geared up for the anticipated phony holiday demand

And after every holiday the garbage truck takes away unused things that you could not afford

Perversely enough, Buyer’s Satisfaction lasts something like maybe almost 10 minutes

And then that gnawing emptiness returns and you must quickly focus on something else

You know you don’t really need it and you can’t afford it, But It’s ‘Christmas’

You struggle with your current car payments as you salivate over their latest models

Their survival and your jobs are tightly bound to leveraged over-consumption

Desperately they flog you with their absurdly creative and expensive fantasies

Their stock prices and bonuses dependent on increases in year over year sales

Locked in a deadly embrace, we dance blindly together towards an unnecessary credit abyss

They’re pumping tired Christmas carols down your throat for 2 months every year

You must buy big for birthdays and anniversaries or you are forgoing human relationships

Get with the program or face the fact that you’re an inhuman scrooge heading to hell

And don’t you dare coldly dwell on the fact it’s all invented by marketeers for salesmen & CEOs

Our Doomed Corpro-Conservative Way Forward

Do not design new products or organize production, just send the half-baked specs overseas

Let laid off workers patiently await the good jobs you said their layoffs would help create

Walk away from your pension and benefit obligations to go build plants in southern china

Employ uprooted peasants for a dollar a day and trumpet this as the great New World Order

Give up the croplands to the stewardship of subsidized corporate conglomerates

Keep them working 14 hours a day to send a little money back to starving families

Close up those new Mexican maquiladoras because their wages are getting just too high

Call poverty the price of inexorable progress and preach solemnly of Personal Responsibility

Import autos and oil while clumsily trying to export an inequality-based evangelical democracy

Keep chanting the tired fairytale about free trade creating a better world for us all

Have neither business nor government pensions and no savings or jobs for those laid-off at 50

Ignore the collapsing house of credit cards that will eventually leave 99% in equal poverty

Trumpet our vaporous financial genius, infantile marketing wizardry and overpriced sales expertise

‘Invest’ trillions in deficits on defense against the phantasmal enemies who surround us

Profit on higher education by ensuring that it only comes with a heavy burden of debt

Send them back scrap metal and used paper in exchange for plasma TVs and game consoles

Place your implanted consumerist needs above the once-good earth that sustains them all

Pretend foreigners will rely on our overspending to sustain their loaning us even more, forever

Marvel at our consumer’s ingenuity in behaving as if their negative savings rates are sustaiable

Call for less government interference while lobbying for tax breaks, subsidies and tariffs

Pretend that multi-million dollar bonuses for cynical bankers and brokers are just and well-deserved

Dispose of workers at 50 but let them try to live til 80 without work, savings or healthcare

Give the Asian billions a little taste of the good life just as the natural resources run out

For god’s sake have them keep their children away from the poisoned rivers and acid lakes

Recite a scripted homily that decent health care is simply another profit-driven industry

Sneeringly, get governments out of the ‘business’ of species and habitat preservation

Pour billions into violently securing oil supplies and next to nothing on its replacement

Clone vast and toxic exurbs with economies based solely upon shopping and services

Cleverly design products which break just as their replacements are coming to market

Headquarter in Bermuda, produce in China, support in India but advertise as All-American

Create ads with soft music, omissions and misrepresentations spoken in soothing tones

Convince them that simply rewarding your blind greed will surely lead us all to a better tomorrow

Contract food ingredients from the lowest overseas bidder with no on-site oversight or inspections

Polish a reputation for iron control but, at your trial, claim you never knew of any crimes

Act eager to clear your name but let your greasy, expensive lawyer do all the talking

Scurry from the spotlight behind toadying spokesmen you deliberately keep in ignorance

Cynically foster a bitter political stalemate that lets your criminal neglect continue to run its course

Then duck into waiting limos without a comment, O ye brave knights of unbridled capitalism