Wondrous New Opportunities

When the arctic ice cap melts for good within just a couple of decades

the big boys can save tons shipping all that cheap shit they import from china

When oil becomes a bit more expensive there will be shining opportunities

we can coerce the illegales to swarm our filthy landfills for discarded plastics

The dried up, dead rivers will not feed us, clean us or quench our thirsts

but we can find cheap ways to desalinate the now lifeless waters of the sea

Now that the factory meat producers have spread drug-resistant pathogens

Big Pharma can make more billions while still ignoring the 3^rd world’s suffering

Miring ourselves in a war of liberation not only gave terrorists an oil-rich base

But opened Somalia, Palestine, Yemen, Pakistan and Afghanistan to our humorless friends

Having each year be within the top ten warmest ever measured

provides an ever-increasing market for the makers of air-conditioners

With the smoke and dust from asia circulating on the winds worldwide

personal respirators and oxygen bars will become real money makers

Before they rot by the millions in junkyards, far too expensive to be driven

kits to convert giant American SUVS into homes for the working poor could be big sellers

Thanks to the ever-increasing size of the deserts of the world

ATVS and dirt bikes will always have more places to stir up choking local dust

By paying them to recycle your discards and further encouraging litter

we can keep the poor in fast food money cleaning up our streets and parks

As our lands dry out and heat up and can no longer support crops

we can declare them to be game reserves and begin bringing in rich tourists

When the oceans rise, lapping up and over all of our great coastal cities

they can be declared to be international marine sanctuaries

The coming of unsustainably large populations provides rich opportunities

for cooperation between politicians and clergy in marketing resource wars to the faithful

As the deserts increase in size, driving out millions of marginal inhabitants

these vast newly empty areas can be used to produce wind and solar energy

Booming populations and urban sprawl giving rise to food shortages

may force agribusiness to stop fattening cattle on indigestible human grains

Burning up our remaining oil as fast as possible may have a green effect,

for if the cars and trucks and buses no longer run, they can no longer spew CO2

The world’s overdue realization that the credit of the US is not worth a tranche of CDOs

will deflate the huge consumer debt burden, to the benefit of our negative savings rates

If everyone migrates to the clean north to escape the heat and grow their crops

maybe the mid-latitudes can adapt in peace, free at last of our poisonous footprint

Though burning ever more coal for power will kill millions every year

Scientists say its toxic smog blanket will reflect some incoming solar heat

There is a good chance that horrible worldwide pandemics will kill millions

hopefully easing the retirement burden our youth are inheriting from their elders

Conditions in impoverished lands may worsen given their unsustainable birthrates

allowing political and religious leaders to train legions of brainwashed child soldiers

As it becomes far too expensive to pay utilities and upkeep on McMansions

they can be profitably subdivided into tiny hovels for swarming immigrants

When food, shelter and energy are more than most families can afford

at last they will stop lavishing wasted resources upon their foolish lawns

As the economy collapses and we must finally concentrate on the basics

illiterate sports thugs on drugs and steroids will no longer live like royalty

Famine, war and plague may reduce population by a frightening proportion

thus finally lowering our species’ dirty impact upon the face of the earth

Gasoline may well become too precious for 5 mindless trips a day for this and that

helping reduce epidemic rates of obesity, diabetes, hypertension and heart disease

When we can no longer afford to buy because they will no longer lend

the chinese can tear down their factories and start growing food again

Though the greenhouse effect will come down hard on many species

at least the Russians can put their vast and long ice-clogged wastelands to use

Even though I won’t be able to afford the gas for a vacation

I won’t have to watch a fat Okie idling a monster pickup on his cellphone in colorado

Transport expenses for food and other subsistence items must rise dramatically

But happily, costly fuel will garage those stinking OHVs, jet skis and snowmobiles as well

This dog-eating-his-own-tail ethanol fairytale will be exposed as corporate welfare

and at least the poor cattle won’t have to eat corn that they cannot digest anymore

Since all of our children are gifted, special, spoiled and selfish, they might not have the time

to raise another crop of proudly ignorant consumptive whiners, exactly like ourselves