Terrorist Threats: The Somfukinstanis

Their ever-feuding tribal warlords fought together only against foreign threats

Their women have always been kept ignorant, barefoot, completely-covered and pregnant

Proud people with ancient traditions but without a real country of their own

Nonetheless, the scattered Somfukinstanis cling stubbornly to their dream

Their traditional homelands carved up by colonizing foreign invaders

Then left alone to constant internecine squabbles with their heretical neighbors

A dry, dusty and resource-barren high plain, long over-grazed by their goats

But the image of an independent Somfukinstan carries them ever forward

Their homeland is an ancient crossroads for marching armies coming from all directions

But a deeply-rooted religious faith sustains them even in their endless petty squabbles

Poverty and ignorance surround them just like the buzzing biting flies

Nonetheless someone endlessly provides them with cheap automatic weapons

Colorful in traditional garb, fiercely independent, but generous and open

Quick to anger and intolerant, their women must stone an unfaithful wife to death

Chosen by god to suffer - To better appreciate the paradise which ever awaits them

Persecuted and run off like stray dogs they are long-inured to all forms of hardship

They’ve found trades in hostage-bartering, drug smuggling and arms dealing

Boys perform rote memorization of the teachings of the prophet - In a foreign tongue

Sipping rancid butter tea in scant dusty shade, they rest with weapons ever close at hand

Their Somfukinstani mullah has come to bind all them in His unforgiving words

Scornful of modern ways they hope to live under a Caliphate by spreading fire

They follow their own perversely twisted version of the holy prophet’s scripture

They combine a stern and unsmiling discipline with rigid adherence to unquestionable rules

They subsist with their guns under god’s law, without electricity or running water

Somfukinstani elders have even demanded a homeland before the United Nations

Their refugees fill ghettos taking menial jobs in a dozen other countries

Yet they still speak of a great leader who conquered vast swaths of the known world

Expert marksmen, they pick apart military convoys from desolate canyon rims

They ban rock music, television, fast food and have no internet connections

They know the West is home to the devil and all manner of human sin

Terrorists are their folk heroes to whom they gladly provide safety and shelter

Medical services are non-existent and few men even know how to drive a car

The prophet bids them to revile foreign culture be it ancient statues or modern advertising

But 5 times every day they kneel in filthy clothes on tattered prayer rugs in the tired dust
Their women they keep ignorant, in order to raise yet another generation of lost men

Thus, Somfukinstani suffering must continue, fueled by ignorance, brutality and dogma