Monday, August 2, 2010

Them Libral Lifestyle Police


They’re gonna make you wear leather sandals and force you to barbecue tofu
They’ll be closing down all the Taco Bells and cutting off our Big Gulps
They want to quiet down your pickups and your holy harley-davidsons
I heard they even mean to make us go to school to get a license to have a damn kid

They want to stop us from draining and developing these idle, bug-filled wetlands
They don’t want your kids to pray or recite the pledge of allegiance at their school
Their godless moral relativism is destroying our Traditional Family ValuesÔ and beliefs
Pretty soon you won’t be able to say shit, even when you have a mouthful

They’re trotting out the same tired social programs that failed so many times, years ago
They want us all to drive the same kind of unsafe, uncomfortable, little shoebox cars
They are trying to take away all of our wondrous health care choices
They think that we should all be eager to recycle trash without even getting paid

They’ll have us turning down thermostats in sweaters and shivering in the dark
They preach the virtue of the flip-flop but question the very word of Jesus Christ
Their meddling with our food supply is going to cost us all a lot of money
They mean to cut into your freedom with this so-called healthy lifestyle nonsense

We’ll all be paying out the wazoo cause they’re afraid to burn a little coal
Beef and pork will be expensive and tough if the bleeding hearts get their way
They get this recurring dream of socialism they forget was disproved so long ago
They want your kids to grow up thinking the colonists did some kind of Holocaust

They’re gonna put a ban on fireworks and take the Christ child out of Christmas
They want everybody riding bicycles no matter what the weather
They mean to suck back up to the Frenchies and even start following their leads
They’re setting timetables for our defeat and letting our brave boys die in vain

They want to handcuff energy producers and stop us cutting housing timber
They’re dead set against our jet skis, OHVs, dirt bikes and snowmobiles
They want us living in gloomy dirt dugouts with unreliable solar and wind power & no A/C
They’re trampling our property rights with their squishy concerns over useless species

They’ll have us paying more per pound the more trash we throw away
They’re planning on national ID cards that they will say are just to catch illegals
They want to trot out expensive social welfare and shut down all our prisons
They’ve gone completely overboard on this expensive hoax called climate change

They’ll put fat, lazy, bitchy women over you with no way to get rid of them
They want the whole country to look like everybody goes around in wheelchairs
Pretty soon you’ll need a smog test permit for your grills and your lawnmowers
They are over-regulating our once-proud auto industry straight into bankruptcy

They want to cut off all that good cheap Chinese stuff we buy down to WalMart
They’re out to gut our military and leave us open to the terrorists with ICBMs
They plan on giving up most of our sacred sovereignty to the United Nations
They’ll pass out free birth control during your children’s hands-on sex-ed classes

They want your kids to get real comfortable with the homosexual lifestyle
They’re handcuffing entrepreneurs with burdensome environmental regulations
They wish to kill off Christianity and replace it with some new age pseudoscience
Their moral relativism would have us all believing that there is no such thing as sin

They’re gonna start to tax and regulate even the places where we worship
They’ll try to put limits on how many miles we drive in our pickup trucks per year
They want us to promote based upon race and sex and economic background
They’re gonna lock up all our federal lands from way back there in Washington

They’re pushing us all towards some vague, castrated, vegan, pacifist idealism
They want us to believe that either all the animals have souls or that we do not
They’re out to stop a guy from driving his big diesel to work if he wants to
They’ve got this silly notion that our current lifestyle is somehow unsustainable

They’re soft on defense but love to slaughter precious human embryos
They question that the marketplace efficiently replaces foolish social planning
They will handcuff the President on gathering information for national security
They think that outside developers should not have the right to local control

They want to cripple the power industry over a few tons of mercury emissions
They’ll put hybrids into NASCAR and want canoes in the bass tournaments
They have no respect for the NFL and those big blacks shimmering in their tights
They’re even against the well-trimmed green lawns that we fertilize and fumigate

They want to take away your guns but let doctors go murder more unborn babies
They’re all for letting any Illegals in to take our jobs and give their kids some welfare
They claim that corporate agricultural entities only care about their stock prices
They say that raising our packaged meat as cheap as possible is dirty and immoral

They’re pushing this fuzzy sustainability crap which will cost us all in jobs and money
They’ll make you exercise and eat raw broccoli convinced it makes you healthy
They want to teach the bible as literature instead of out front in biology classes
They’ll have us loading groceries in dirty recycled bags into weenie little golf carts

They’re putting plants and animals ahead of families and national security
They want everyone to live like bees in tiny city apartment hives without any yards
They would legalize marijuana but track and control alcohol consumption
They even seem to think that being born again has something to do with recycling

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