Got My Pickup Truck On

It sits up so high I got me an extry step and a grab bar just so the old lady can make it in

I just toss them groceries up in there on the floor behind the back seat somewheres

It’s got way over 300 horsepower and I paid 1500 bucks for a man’s booming exhaust

Handles like a real fat guy walks and looks about as aerodynamic as an aging bulldog

I get up real close behind them veggie fuckheads and like threaten ‘em in their little greenie cars

I show them what I got out there on the freeway too, and ta hell with savin diesel

I like to drive alone with nothing at all in my shiny pickup bed that’s always clean and empty

Got lots of towing power for my snow machines, power boats, dirt bikes and OHVs

It’s a 4x4 by god, with lotsa off-road clearance - and I use it for my daily 50 mile commute

No, I don’t know how to fix it and I leave the maintenance to the high-priced pros

Got temperature and wind speed readouts so I can always leave the windows up

The image I like to project is one of a deep-voiced faceless strength and an overwhelming force

I have the need to gun it and show that I can keep up despite my portly profile

Goddamn! it gives me true pleasure to sit up there so high looking down from that potent cab

But, the new ones are way better and I wanna trade in again, even before my lease is up

The diesel’s got a manly smell and I like to burp up smoke all over them stupid cyclists

It costs me a hefty premium, but I’m proud to fill ‘er up just like the big rigs do

Makes a damn smooth air-conditioner when the little lady has to run in somewhere fer 10 minutes

I can, by god, keep up with traffic and I will always exceed the speed limit

Never bothered to check the mileage and, you know what, I really don’t give a good gotdamn

Paid a bunch of money to have all that stupid smog shit ripped right out and had her chipped, too

Got a yellow ribbon “Support Our Troops” decal on that muscular back bumper

Tires cost $300 apiece and the off-road tread makes some real noise out on the innerstate

Cat and dogs don’t fuck with me cause they see I’ll never even slow down fer them, at all

It’s got a back seat with lots of room fer the kids and whatever shit like that

I got a big old crash bar in the front in case I gotta just shove some puny SUVs aside

I’m 5’8” but she’s a cool 20 feet in length - and I really got my pickup truck on!

Weighs a svelte 16000 pounds, perfect for hauling groceries and heading in ta work

It’s got more torque than all them others and some day I’ll figure out just what the hell that is

Why, I just aint afraida nothin when I’m jacked all up in there behind the wheel

Got country music on the satellite radio and a DVD player for the kids

Why, the cup holders are even big enough for my 32 oz Mountain Dew

They say the insurance is really high but, hell, I’ve never owned no fuckin little Honda, anyways

I’m part of a bigger team of strong, silent guys like on TV who get dirty pulling stuff around

This is a big part of my freedom and she comes in at about $60 grand, right now

It’s our family battle wagon and we are rough and always ready in case of any trouble at the apts.

Goddamn does it feel good when I lay on the air horn all up into some puny import

I think that women mostly react more favorably to me when I’m up there behind its wheel

I’m part lonely cowboy, dirty soldier, burly football player and this rig suits me just fine

I back with a slow and corpulent dignity into a mere space and a half

Taking off from a light I gleefully dump more emissions than a hybrid does all day

I drive 80,000 miles a year so I need somethin big that don’t hurt my back

I could put on a snowplow or get a winch and pull out stranded mini-vans

Two or three of my snarling, grimy dirtbikes fit right up there in the back

My stainless steel toolbox looks great locked up tight right behind the cab

Got me a lift kit and 37” tires so you can see way up under my chromed suspension parts

Stay back and give me room, I’m really big and I need my space

This fucker’s the macho way to carry my goddamn holy Harley

It’s so terribly big and bulging I can’t hardly believe it sometimes, myself

I love to pass little cars on rainy days and cut ‘em off with a big old dirty spray

This baby has huge muscles of steel and the hood is so fucking shiny it almost hurts

I speed up when somebody pulls out somewhere up there in front of me

Don’t even let off when they turn left across the lane that I own

I just see how close I can come when I turn on past them at a stoplight

I can swerve lanes to pass on the right just like my favorite NASCAR pickups on TV

You just ought to hear that humma roar when I let it out to pass on the two lane

I back her in real close at night cause she’s our best defense in case of trouble

I always loved them big red fire trucks when I was a little kid

So, this steed pretty much fills the bill in terms of the man I want them to consider me ta be

Nobody knows I’m a produce product manager when I’m out ridin that lonely freeway

There’s no way to tell this baby gets corralled at a rundown apartment complex every night

The little girl at the drive through always smiles up at me real nice

Me and some buddies got a spot in the BLM land where there’s a lot of mud we can drive in

I love to soap her up, rinse her down and dry her off so clean and smooth and bright

I often lay in bed and fantasize about the accessories I’monna to buy her, real soon now

She really does about everything I need and pretty much sums it all up - for my life